I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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