yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
