my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
