she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
