So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
