thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
please come you make the beer taste better
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
