You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
