Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
