I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
