went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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