well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Pants are for mortals
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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