I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She needs sedatives and a leash
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
