shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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