Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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