Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
