If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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