boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
