if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
