thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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