We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
