We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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