My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
