just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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