I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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