Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
