Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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