good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
