From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
