Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
