The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
