your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
