and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
