i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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