He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
