Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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