Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
