Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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