I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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