he wants to bone in the snuggie
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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