There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
