i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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