sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
