Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
