Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
