Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
