Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
