i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
