I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
