You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
