Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
