I look better un-naked...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
it glows. i had to have it.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
