ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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