What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
